Being selfish tends to have a bad reputation because shitty selfish people do shitty things that make others feel shit. But what if you’re not a shitty person? What if you just need space to work on yourself?
Well then, this post was written for you.
I am selfish
I used to justify this by saying that I’m an only child and it became a habit. There’s some truth to that but when I reflected on choices made in my 20’s, I now understand how being selfish has significantly benefitted my self-improvement. I’m aware that this might not be a privilege available to everyone but it really works for me.
So does that mean that I’ve hurt others? Regrettably yes, but not because I was being selfish. That’s more likely because I was insecure, lacked self-belief, and didn’t want to be rejected by others. Essentially, I was a shitty person to protect myself. But that didn’t protect shit.
I know now that I can be selfish and still be a good person. I am transparent with my selfishness and I am firm with what I will and won’t do for others. I make sure that people know that upfront. And this is exactly how I want others to act around me too.
Society actually needs this
This fear of being selfish because society said that it isn’t a good thing just makes a lot of us slimy and non-transparent with our intentions. It doesn’t make people more selfless.
Instead, we need to own the fact that we prioritize ourselves and we must stop bringing down others who choose to do so as well. We need communities with people who are ruthless with their self-growth but still engage in kindness with others.
I don’t believe that this is an idealistic thought, I know that this balance is possible.
Why you should be selfish in your 20’s
Here’s what you gain from being selfish:
- You cultivate your strengths
- You improve your physical and mental health
- You choose things and people that improve your well-being
- You don’t allow yourself to collect mental clutter
- You learn how to say ‘no’
- You gain space to work on your self-limiting triad
- You learn how to feel less inferior and take things personally
- You understand your place in your community and society
- You accept the people around you
- You spend less time searching later in your life
Here’s what others gain when you’re selfish:
- A refined being
- Someone who understands how to provide value to others
- Someone who is fearless when protecting others
- A healthy person that promotes good health habits
- Someone who respects the needs of others
- Someone who accepts others as they are
- A more useful community member
You can self-prioritize and be selfish without being a shitty person.
Use your selfish years while you’re young to understand your strengths and become a much better person to others later in your life.
They need you to first understand who your best version is so you can unleash it on them for their benefit.